


Too Blue To Fit In

by Killer_Queen



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angry Frigga (Marvel), Awesome Frigga (Marvel), Frigga (Marvel) Feels, Frigga (Marvel) Lives, Gen, Jotunn Loki (Marvel), Loki Finds Out He’s Adopted, Parent Frigga (Marvel), Pre-Thor (2011), Protective Frigga (Marvel)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-17
Updated: 2019-09-17
Packaged: 2020-11-02 07:53:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20674775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Killer_Queen/pseuds/Killer_Queen
Summary: Loki is only young. An underdeveloped teenager, seemingly unlucky in everything he tries to accomplish. Finding out that he’s an aggressive blue monster doesn’t help.But his mother will always be his mother, no matter how blue he gets.Basically just a fic that explores what things might have turned out like if Loki was younger when he discovered his true self, and a fic that gives Frigga a bit more spotlight as a parent.





	Too Blue To Fit In

**Author's Note:**

> I needed a fic with some Frigga and Loki love! Probably not my best written fic, but I wrote it in a hurry!

Loki had never fit in. Never. Ever. Not even slightly. He had always been... different. Despite his mother’s gentle insistences that he was imagining it and his father’s gruff opinion that he just needed to toughen up, Loki had always felt that he wasn’t like the other boys his age. He certainly wasn’t anything like Thor. Thor was loud where Loki was quiet, Loki was bashful where Thor was confident, and Thor was just generally more liked. Thor always had more friends than Loki. And he wasn’t too good at sharing his friends, either. It wasn’t as though Loki hadn’t tried to fit in... He just didn’t. He always tried to brush the feeling away, immersing himself in books when Thor went outside to play or spar, but there were rare moments when it got to him. This was one of those.  
“Why am I so different, Mother?” He asked as he lay on one of his mother’s sofas, watching her prepare herself for the day. Frigga stopped fastening her earrings and paused. Loki had asked her these sorts of questions many times, but never so direct. What was she going to say to him?  
“Everyone is different, Loki. That’s what makes us unique.” She said, though she put the earrings down and turned to face her youngest son, who’s pale face was sullen.  
“But why am I different? Why aren’t I like Thor?”  
Loki was never one to give up easily.  
“Do you want to be like Thor?” Frigga asked, answering his question with a question. She knew that it was a cheap reply, but she always stiffened up when Loki talked like this, as though he was edging closer and closer to discovering the truth about his origins.  
“Not really.” Loki mumbled, but Frigga heard the envy in his voice and regretted asking him the question. She knew that, more than anything, Loki did want to be like his brother. She sat down next to him.  
“Your father and I love you very much.” She whispered as she pulled him close. Loki was in a melancholy mood today.  
“Not as much as Thor.” He muttered. Frigga held him closer.  
“I love you just as much as Thor, Loki, and in a million different ways.” She said. That earned her a small smile from Loki, but not the grin she had learned to crave from him.  
“Father loves Thor more.” He whispered, and she knew he was holding back tears. She studied each part of his perfect face. His pale skin, his pristine pink lips, his gentle green eyes that seemed to swallow her up every time she looked into them. But she knew that what she really loved was inside, passed his skin and passed his lips, passed his eyes and passed the truth beneath them.  
“He loves you both in his own way.” She whispered, not wanting to acknowledge the truth that was tearing up her insides. Odin did hold much more affection for Thor than he did for Loki. She ran a hand through his head of silky black hair, which was starting to get too long for her liking. Yet another attempt to be like Thor.  
“Run along and play now, my son. Today is not a day to be stuck inside with your books.” She said, hugging him one last time and pushing him up off the sofa. He turned, gave her one last smile, better than the last one, and left her room.

“Let’s play treasure hunter!” Thor said excitedly. Loki rolled his eyes and sighed. Honestly, both he and Thor were getting much too old to ‘play’, but he didn’t argue.  
“Where?” He asked. Thor pointed down a flight of stairs.  
“In the treasure vault.” He said. Loki shook his head.  
“Father will be angry.” He said, turning to leave.  
“Don’t worry. He won’t find out.”  
“Yes he will, Thor. He always finds out.”  
Loki started walking away.  
“I’ll tell him it was your idea if you don’t play. You know who’s side he’ll take.”  
Loki sighed and turned back, wishing that he could be in charge of Thor for once.

“We must tell him.” Frigga said, pacing around Odin’s study as he signed some paperwork. The one-eyed man shook his head.  
“No, Frigga, we cannot. It would put our kingdom in great jeopardy.” He said. Frigga stopped pacing and looked at him.  
“How would it put our kingdom in jeopardy?” She asked, her voice sceptical and scolding.  
“Loki is our last chance to make true peace with Jotunheim. Telling him now would ruin any chance we have.”  
“Do you really think that lying to him his whole life will make him more likely to help you?”  
“He is too young. We must wait until his loyalty to Asgard is undoubtable.”  
Frigga took a deep breath. Her anger was growing by the minute.  
“Do you doubt Thor’s loyalty to Asgard?” She asked, her voice growing more and more seething. Odin looked at her.  
“Of course not. Thor will one day take my place as king. Even though he is young, he knows how to serve his kingdom.”  
“Then why do you doubt Loki’s loyalty?”  
“‘Tis in the very nature of his kind to be untrustworthy, Frigga. You know this.”  
Frigga snapped.  
“His kind?! You speak of him as though he is some kind of animal!” She blurted, the words coming out before she could stop them.  
“Jotuns are little more than animals.” Odin replied, too calm and too uncaring.  
“Stop this! Now!”  
“Stop what, Frigga?”  
“Stop speaking as though the Jotuns are lumps of clay! They are vicious only because people like you have persecuted them for years, killing them off for sport and slaughtering them at the slightest provocation! They are no different from us!”  
Odin stood up.  
“Listen to yourself, Frigga! No different from us!? They took my eye!”  
Frigga took a few deep breaths.  
“Loki is not to be told of his true self.” Odin said, his voice once again emotionless. Frigga turned to leave.  
“One last thing, Odin.” She said quietly.  
“What is it?”  
“You took from them something much more precious than your eye.”  
“The Casket Of Ancient Winters does not belong in the hands of brutes.”  
Frigga moved to the door and opened it. She stepped through and turned back around.  
“I wasn’t talking about the Casket.” She hissed as she slammed it.

“Loki, I have an idea.” Thor said, as the two of them stood in the middle of the treasure vault.  
“What?” Loki asked.  
“Let’s hide things. We’ll see if father can find them.”  
Loki shook his head.  
“No.” He said firmly, but Thor wouldn’t take that as an answer.  
“Coward.” He taunted. Loki tensed up.  
“I am not.” He said angrily.  
“You are too.” Thor mocked. He knew exactly how to get to him, and it was working.  
“I’m twice as smart as you.” Loki said as a lame attempt at a come back. Thor scoffed.  
“And I’m three times as strong.” He said. He turned around, laughing at what he considered to be great wit.  
“At least my magic is stronger than your thickheaded thirst for control.”  
Thor turned back around.  
“Only cowards use magic.” He said.  
“Our Mother is a coward?”  
That shut Thor up for a few moments.  
“Prove to me that you’re not a coward.” He said. Loki crosses his arms.  
“Fine.” He said.  
“Hide that.” Thor said, pointing at a pedestal. Loki saw what was on it and shivered. The Casket Of Ancient Winters.  
“No.”  
“Coward.”  
Loki reconsidered. He could always move it back later...  
“I dare you.” Thor said before he could open his mouth. Reluctantly, Loki moved in front of the pedestal.  
“Close your eyes.” He ordered. He didn’t want Thor to see where he was hiding it. Thor closed his eyes for a moment, but opened them again the moment Loki turned his head away.  
Loki placed his hands on the Casket, and suddenly everything felt strange. His hands started throbbing, but not with pain. With power. He studied them closely. They were blue.  
Then everything went black.  
Thor could only stare.

“Mother! Mother!”  
Frigga heard the call even from the furthest room of her chambers, and came rushing out to answer Thor’s call. Her boy looked frantic, his hair a mess and his face alight with worry, fear and sweat.  
“What is it, Thor? What’s wrong?” She asked as he buried himself into her. He was growing up. No longer a boy, but not by much. It had been a while since he came running to her like this.  
“Some- something is wrong with Loki!” He wailed, gripping her tightly. She tensed up.  
“What’s wrong with him?” She asked, already starting to move as best she could with an adolescent boy attached to her waist. Thor blurted out the whole, terrible tale.  
“And he just lay there, not moving!”  
“Did you check to see if he was alright?”  
“He was- he was blue! I thought...”  
Thor’s lip started trembling.  
“What happened to him? Is he ill?” He asked his mother desperately. They were only just reaching the corridor leading to the stairs which led to the treasure vault.  
“No Thor. He’s not ill.” Frigga said, stopping.  
“What’s... What’s wrong, then?”  
“No more questions for now, my darling.” Frigga said, looking at her feet. They stood at the top of the stairs. Glistening on every step was frost.  
“We must find your brother.”

*while Thor was freaking out*  
Loki opened his eyes sluggishly. He had hoped that it was a dream, but one glance at his still blue hands dismissed that theory. Slowly, he sat up, feeling as though his energy had been sucked from him. And the tears came before he could stop them, thick and fast. They froze on his cheeks. He was intelligent enough to understand what was going on.  
His life was a lie.  
He forced himself up, but the fatigue was strong and he found it difficult to move. He struggled on his hands and knees up the steps, feeling the air within his boots growing colder and watching in dismay as frost pooled around his hands. Thor was nowhere to be seen.  
He was alone.  
He finally recovered some energy. He straightened up.  
And he ran.

Odin insisted that Loki would return.

But, a night and almost a full day later, he had not.  
“This is your fault!” Frigga screamed at Odin as the two of them stood in the greeting hall.  
“If you hadn’t lied to him his entire life, he would never have run away! If you had just let me raise him the way I wanted, teaching him that what he is doesn’t make him any different...”  
Odin took her insults and scoldings without complaint. There was something pooling inside of him. He realised what it was. Guilt.  
Footsteps rang out near the door, and Thor came in, leading Heimdall the bridge keeper, tall, dark, and graciously calm. Odin had sent Thor to fetch him.  
“I know where he is.” Heimdall said, keeping his voice even. Frigga froze.   
“Where?” She asked, as Thor took her hand and gripped onto her. He still didn’t understand the entirety of what was happening. Heimdall shook his head. He eyes the three of them up and down.  
“I will tell you where he is.” He said.  
“But only one of you must go after him.”

Frigga got off her horse. It was growing dark. She could see the place Heimdall had described. As she had been instructed to do, she crawled in through a gap in a wall of rock. The first thing she noticed was how cold it was inside the cave. Then she noticed that there was rough furniture, hewn out of wood and stone. There were drawings on the walls too. On the patches of wall that weren’t coated in frost, she saw many pictures; some childish, a normal little boy’s illustrations, and some more recent, pictures from books, even diagrams of spells she herself remembered teaching. There was a pile of books sitting in one corner, but they didn’t look like they had been touched since the recent frost set in.  
Loki had clearly come here before.  
Frigga heard something then.   
Sniffling. Crying.   
It was then that she noticed the last gap, in another wall. She crawled though.  
And there, curled up against the wall, sobbing and frosty, was her son.

Loki looked down at his hands, which were flickering white and blue.  
“I can’t make it go away.” He whispered quietly, as his mother sat beside him. She put an arm around him, being careful to touch his clothes and not his skin, just in case.  
“You should never have to hide who you are, Loki. I’m sorry that I never told you.” She whispered to him.   
“Why?” Was the only word he could utter, his frozen tears peeling and falling off his face.  
Frigga told the story. All she knew of the story, any way.  
“My true father abandoned me?” Loki whispered, feeling something break inside of him. Frigga held him tighter.  
“Your true father is the one who took you from that awful place.”  
There was anger brewing in Loki’s heart now.  
“The father who lied to me all my life? The father who wanted to use me to slaughter my own people?” He muttered. Frigga grimaced, but she couldn’t deny what was the truth.  
“I’m sorry, Loki.” She whispered, tears in her own eyes now.  
“If it were your choice, would you have told me?” Loki asked.  
“I would have, I promise you, my darling boy.”  
Loki clung onto her as though he were a baby all over again.  
“Make the blue go away.” He begged as he buried his face in her gown.  
“Nobody will care about it, Loki, I promise you.”  
Loki sat up. There was a grin on his face. Small, but there.  
“But I’ve never liked blue.” He said. Frigga, hesitantly, did as he asked.  
“Just ask me if you ever want to be blue again.” She whispered, burying her own face in his hair. He hugged her tightly.  
“I love you, mother.” He whispered. She held him as tight as she could.  
“I will always love you more.”

**Author's Note:**

> What did you guys think? I know that there were probably a few plot holes, but the main focus was supposed to be the mother-son love between Loki and Frigga. I hope you liked it!


End file.
